There are a few guys I’ve observed in my circles who continuously crash and burn with women. They miss all the signposts and jump the gun with any gal they can get a conversation with, impulsively asking for dates when they don’t know anything about the women they’re asking out and haven’t yet proven themselves to be trustworthy gentlemen with clean records and without human DNA in the trunks of their cars. (I kid, but only kind of. 😉)
Some of these guys really are decent guys (others, not so much), and I cringe when I watch what goes down. I wish I could help them out and make them more aware of the clear signals these women are giving off – or if they are aware, that I could encourage them to act accordingly instead of moving ahead at full speed.
Gentlemen, if a lady does any of the following things, be cautious in proceeding. She may be a great girl and you’re no doubt a great guy, but you’ll spare both of you some serious embarrassment if you realize when she’s silently screaming that she just isn’t that into you. Maybe she’ll warm up to you someday, but – I hate to break it to you – that day is not today.
9. She treats you like a brother. Is she asking about your life, your job, your friends, your laundry habits…like she would her little brother? There’s a chance of your relationship developing further if you can get out of the friend zone somehow, but if she isn’t giving you special treatment – and especially if she’s older than you and speaking to you kind of like your mom would – she probably isn’t into you.
8. She’s flirting with someone else. This may seem obvious, but her affections are clearly elsewhere (unless this is some jealousy-inducing ploy, in which case you probably want to look for someone who’s more mature, anyway). Simply put, you deserve someone who’s completely into you. If she has feelings for another guy, you risk her either saying no or, worse, saying yes while continuing to fawn over the guy she really wants.
7. She changes the subject. If you ask if she’s been to that new Italian restaurant and she immediately changes the subject to the weather, she’s likely afraid you’re about to ask her out for Italian and would really rather you don’t.
6. She tells you she’s not interested! Believe it or not, I know many guys who have been repeatedly told in no uncertain terms that a woman is not going to date them, yet they refuse to accept her answer. Now, it’s one thing if a girl is playing hard-to-get…but a girl who is verbally TELLING you she’s not going to date you isn’t playing hard-to-get; she is candidly informing you that you are not going to get her. Appreciate her honesty for what it is and find someone who appreciates your persevering nature.
5. She tries to escape. If she begins moving away from you and acts like a caged zoo animal, she does not want you to ask her on a date. If she suddenly makes a list of excuses and has to get somewhere ASAP, she does not want you to ask her on a date.
4. She is disengaged. If she isn’t giving you her full attention, either wait for a time when she will or refrain from asking her out altogether. If she’s normally good at eye contact but is avoiding it in this moment, she’s probably trying to tell you something. She might be waving at every passerby or obsessively straightening out her desk or scrolling through her phone while you’re talking on purpose because she senses what you want and doesn’t want the same thing.
3. She looks uncomfortable. If a girl looks like she’d rather be anywhere but talking to you, she probably would be. If she looks increasingly uncomfortable as your conversation heads further and further into romantic territory, beware! She’s trying to signal you to stop before it’s too late.
2. She flashes a fake smile. I see this one so often. A guy is obviously flirting with a girl, fishing for information, or bringing up his weekend plans. The girl rewards him with a forced smile that doesn’t reach her eyes, tries to downplay the conversation or pull someone else into the discussion, and desperately hopes the guy takes a hint so that she doesn’t have to hurt his feelings. If she likes you, her smile will be genuine.
1. She ignores you. I am most guilty of this one, and I’m not saying it’s the most polite thing to do, but it is effective. If a guy who creeps me out is clearly putting himself in my path or attempting to start a conversation with me, sometimes I’ll pretend I don’t see him. Yes, there have been times when I’ve unintentionally ignored someone and my friends have later informed me about an eager guy I truly did not see standing there, but as a general rule, if a girl clearly shifts away from you or ignores your obvious cues, she’s not interested. If you can tell her ignorance is intentional, spare yourself the humiliation and pursue someone else.
The truth is, none of these signs is an all-out guarantee of disinterest on a woman’s part. Each person is unique and has her own strategies – active or passive – for signaling to a guy that she’s not into him in “that” way. You always have the option to ask her out anyway, but if one or all of these signs are present and you get an all-around uncooperative vibe from her, I’d recommend finding someone else who appreciates everything you have to offer. You are someone’s dream come true. Wait for the girl who is receptive to your advances, and then pursue her like she’s your dream come true, too.
Important to note! What’s NOT a sign of disinterest:
Kris Vallotton has an excellent commentary (You can watch his message from 8/7/19 on Bethel TV here) on how many guys assume that if a girl doesn’t pursue them back, she’s not interested. This is NOT a sign of disinterest on a woman’s part – at all! As Vallotton says, she is usually just waiting on you to KEEP PURSUING! If a woman has already said yes to you once, she’s interested. Don’t give up on this one. Just as you wouldn’t ask her out if you weren’t into her, she wouldn’t say yes to your invitation (or continue saying yes to your subsequent invitations) if she wasn’t into you.
Hope this has been helpful! We ladies may be complex, but we aren’t always as complicated as we seem. 😊
Ladies, sound off in the comments! What strategies do you use to communicate to a guy that you’re not interested?
Gentlemen, ask any questions you have! I will gladly offer my take on any puzzling females in your life, and I’m betting other ladies would be willing to shed some light on your situation, as well.
Good luck out there, guys! I’m rooting for you!