It’s a Wonderful Life

I’m learning that I have a special talent for underestimating how long it takes me to finish virtually every task I set out to do. (We all have our talents! 😂) I’ve spent months going through the things I own and organizing it all. I expected this project to be done last summer, and to my frustration, it’s still a work in progress almost a year later as I continue to find more that needs to be sorted through. A decade ago when I had a chronic illness, so many things fell to the wayside, and now, 10 years later, I’m finally tackling everything that piled up back then and more. (Finally, I think I’m close to the finish line. Hallelujah!)

I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting as I sort through old photos, keepsakes, and mementos.

I’ve actually had a pretty good life, haven’t I?

I don’t have the life I would have planned. I don’t have the life I always hoped for, and I am aware of it every day. Sometimes these thoughts can get discouraging, especially as I sort items from my parents’ basement, where I’ve lived for much of my adult life, still single, still childless, still not what the world would deem a success. (And still working on the same project after nearly a year!)

But then I look at my college pile. I lived in Florida! I had a season pass to Disney and went to the beach on weekends. How many people get to say that?!

I pull out my high school box. I spent my 18th birthday at the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris! Moi!

I pick up my ministry school certificates and think about how this time last year, I was headed to visit Bethel in Redding for the first time, something I had hoped to do for years. I feel so lucky that I finally got to go, and for my entire BSSM experience.

I revisit the sweet notes I’ve gotten from students I’ve taught. I had forgotten that the kid I didn’t think liked me gave me a card addressed to “the best teacher.” Other kids scribbled their “I love you”s in crayon. These memories are priceless to me and I wouldn’t trade them for anything.

Each of those seasons of my life was hard. Every single one of them, whether the people around me could tell or not. I cried a lot, prayed a lot, complained a lot, and spent a lot of time brainstorming my exit plan to the next season. I have faced my share of loss and disappointment over the years.

Yet, looking back, I’ve had a pretty fulfilling life. I’ve gotten to experience some really cool things, some that seem almost unbelievable for a quiet homebody from the Midwest. I’ve connected with a lot of people, and even if I spend my days missing some of them, love is always worth it, and it is a privilege to have loved. Sometimes the time feels wasted, but I am reminded that every seed sown reaps a harvest. Sometimes my days are boring, but my life has been full. The big picture reminds me of the blessings that tend to get forgotten in the day-to-day.

Maybe you’re like me and you have experienced your share of disappointment in life. Maybe you’re like me and you’ve also, it turns out, lived a pretty wonderful life.

Either way, I promise you – and I stand on it myself – the best is yet to come.