Dating Apps Are Not the Savior

“You’re single and you want to be married? So what are you doing about it?”

I can’t tell you how many times someone has asked me this. My blood begins to boil when I hear it, because I know what’s coming next in the conversation.

What am I doing about it? I’m praying. I’m trusting God. I’m obeying his word and his voice. I’m intentionally cultivating spiritual and personal growth – reading books, going to church, listening to sermons online, attending conferences, joining Bible studies and small groups. I’m doing my best to be a good daughter and a good friend. I’ve been cooking since I could reach the kitchen counter. I keep a pretty clean house. I’ve spent my life around kids. I’ve fasted. I try to steward my money, my talents, and my single years well.

Oh, and even though I’m geriatric, I still want to be a mother more than anything in the world, so I’ve also bought baby clothes in faith. Yes, I have.

And, yes, I do leave the house every once in a while.

“…But are you on the apps?”

No. No, I am not. Never have been. Don’t intend to download one.

My brother told me once that I’m intimidating. I took it as a compliment, even though he didn’t mean for it to be. I want to be intimidating to the wrong guys. I want there to be a big, neon sign on me in the spirit that says “RESERVED” and puts the fear of God in the wrong guys so they don’t approach me. I don’t want every man to be interested in me. I just need one. And I need one who is a strong person, because I’m a strong person, and I need a husband I will respect and willingly submit to.

I want a dragon slayer, and I don’t think dragon slayers hide behind screens.

Not everyone is looking for what I’m looking for, and that’s fine. I know people who’ve met online and gotten married. Good for them! Not everybody needs what I need. Most people aren’t as strong-willed as I am. And I’m not everybody’s cup of tea, either. I’m okay with that.

I want someone who is traditional. I want someone who’s courageous enough to call me up and ask me on a date or walk up to me and ask me in person. I want to know a man sees enough value in me to risk something. It’s happened before, and it will happen again.

Is it common? No. I think the world has become too reliant on apps (and social media), and it’s made things a little too convenient. I heard singer Anne Wilson describe the current dating scene as “pitiful” in an interview and I laughed out loud, because I’m inclined to agree with her. I believe women are prizes to be won, and I don’t see a lot of men in the fight these days. I also don’t see a lot of women valuing themselves rightly. (Although I will say I’m impressed by how many Gen Zers are reverting to more traditional dating habits, and that gives me a lot of hope!)

I’m looking for someone who thinks I’m worth fighting for, and the right person will think I am.

Some will say my standards are too high. No problem; everyone gets to choose their own. I live up to my standards, so I know it’s possible, and the right man will rise to meet them.

So what am I doing? I’m doing a lot. I’m just not doing the one thing many people insist I should be. I don’t worry that much about being visible to a lot of people. I trust that God will highlight me to the one.

I am surrendered to God, and sometimes I re-surrender.

God may lead you differently than he leads me. Go where he leads. This is the way he’s led me, and honestly, I get tired of people insinuating that dating apps are the only answer if I want to get married. Dating apps aren’t my savior; Jesus is.

God knows the desires of our hearts, he’s good at leading us, and he can be trusted.

Don’t worry about what you’re doing as long as you’re seeking the kingdom first. His word says that when you do that, everything else shall be given to you, as well.

“Therefore I tell you, stop being worried or anxious (perpetually uneasy, distracted) about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, as to what you will wear. Is life not more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air; they neither sow [seed] nor reap [the harvest] nor gather [the crops] into barns, and yet your heavenly Father keeps feeding them. Are you not worth much more than they? And who of you by worrying can add one hour to [the length of] his life? And why are you worried about clothes? See how the lilies and wildflowers of the field grow; they do not labor nor do they spin [wool to make clothing], yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory and splendor dressed himself like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive and green today and tomorrow is [cut and] thrown [as fuel] into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you? You of little faith! Therefore do not worry or be anxious (perpetually uneasy, distracted), saying, ‘What are we going to eat?’ or ‘What are we going to drink?’ or ‘What are we going to wear?’ For the [pagan] Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; [but do not worry,] for your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But first and most importantly seek (aim at, strive after) His kingdom and His righteousness [His way of doing and being right—the attitude and character of God], and all these things will be given to you also.”

Matthew 6:25-33 AMP

If you’re a fellow single believing for marriage, may you receive everything you’re hoping for in a spouse and more. 🙏🏼 He is faithful, and he is able!

Most of all, may you do everything the Father tells you to do – nothing more, nothing less. You can’t mess it up when you’re following his plan.