I’m Single On Purpose…Kind Of.

I’m single on purpose. Well, kind of.

I turn 38 this month. Being single in my late 30s was never, ever in my plan, and I hoped it wasn’t in God’s either. I didn’t purposely end up in this situation…but at the same time, to some extent, I kind of did.

I haven’t been on a date in years, and I’ll tell you why. The last guy I dated, I knew I shouldn’t. Yes, he was a Christian (still is), and everybody around me liked him, but I knew in my spirit it was a no from God, and I dated him anyway. We went out three times, and on our third date, I knew definitively that he did not meet one of my nonnegotiable qualifications: he was a drinker. That might not matter to everybody, but it’s a big deal to me and always has been. I had already known in my gut that this was not the right person for me, but now I had evidence…yet I still decided to keep “giving him a chance.” (Sometimes that’s just code for “settling.”) The draw of being pursued felt too strong. It wasn’t even the guy, per se, it was the addictive feeling of being on the receiving end of a man’s attention, and I didn’t want to lose that feeling.

God intervened, and I never heard from the guy again. Absolute crickets, even after I sent him a friendly text. (Well, kind of – my friend hijacked my phone and sent him a friendly text, if we’re getting technical.) A few months later, I heard he was dating someone else, and a few months after that, another person. It didn’t take me long to recognize the grace of God for what it was, and I was filled with gratitude. I still am. I hadn’t felt strong enough to end things on my own, so in his grace, God did it for me. Sure, my ego was a little bruised, but never my heart. (If only it were that easy every time.)

That situation showed me what I was capable of, and it scared me. I’ve always been the girl with a strong will and equally strong convictions, and I never thought I could ignore the will of God so easily…yet I did. I realized I could have stayed with the wrong guy indefinitely just because it felt good to have male attention, and that was not a comforting thought. Dating itself had always been my boundary before – I refused to date anyone I knew was wrong for me – but one violation of that boundary and I already felt rendered powerless. Dating Mr. Wrong taught me that I needed to be more careful about heeding God’s still, small voice right away, because I discovered that disobedience came easier to me than I thought it would.

I have not dated another Mr. Wrong since. Have I been tempted? Yes, but I haven’t given in. God protected me before, and I’m grateful for his kindness to me. That dating experience was just a blip on the radar, but I saw how it could have progressed and I don’t ever want to risk that again. My boundary, which was in place for a reason, immediately settled back into its rightful place. If I know a guy’s wrong for me, I’m not going to date him. Period. Even if I’m lonely. Even if my biological clock is ticking. Even if he’s good-looking. Even if he’s funny. Even if his attention feels good. Even if every single person I know encourages it. If it’s a no from God, it’s a no from me.

So, did I intend to still be single at 38 years old? Not on your life. But I did intend to obey God, and that’s what I’ve done. I am even more passionate about the importance of obedience after my (thankfully minor) brush with disobedience. I have met plenty of guys since the last one I dated. None of them were the right ones, and I knew it, so I haven’t dated them. I’ve never forgotten what God showed me when I dated Mr. Wrong, and I’d like to think I learned my lesson.

I’ll date again when I feel God’s peace again. I know what it’s like to feel it, and I know what it’s like not to.

The peace is worth the wait, and so is the right person.