When I was a college student in Florida, my parents gifted me an annual pass to Disney for Christmas one year. I was ecstatic! I’d only gone to Disney once as a child, and I was more than ready to make up for lost time and spend every weekend I could at the most magical place on earth!
The thing about being a college student is that everyone is on a budget, and no one is willing to spend their meager earnings on unnecessary luxuries like Disney tickets. Even back then when ticket prices were significantly cheaper, Disney tickets were still very much a “want” and not a “need.” I had been given a ticket, but I didn’t have anybody to go with me.
So I went to Disney alone.
It certainly wasn’t the way I imagined touring the parks, but it was better than not going at all. I couldn’t just let my season pass collect dust, so I printed out my MapQuest directions and white-knuckled it through I-4 traffic all the way to Buena Vista by myself, often missing the correct exits and having to figure out how to get back to my intended destination without a GPS or smartphone.
Finally, I’d spot the sunny Magic Kingdom entrance and take my first steps into the park, inhaling the scent of the Main Street Bakery as I speedwalked to Tomorrowland to reserve my Space Mountain FastPass. This was where it got good. Right?
Yes…and no.
Honestly, my solo trips to Disney are some of my loneliest memories. Yes, I loved the rides. I loved the Mickey-shaped treats. I loved the smells, the sights, the music, and the ambience. I’m happy I went and grateful I got the chance. (I always made it there…eventually.)
But being alone in the most magical place on earth is one of the loneliest things I’ve ever experienced. When I think of loneliness, that’s the feeling that comes to mind: standing alone in one of the happiest places on earth with no one to share it with.
I distinctly remember approaching the Tomorrowland Transit Authority on the last day of my annual pass. I’d come here alone before and still felt as conspicuous as ever being a single 20-something walking around a family amusement park alone. There was no wait for this attraction, and as I stepped onto the moving walkway to board, the Cast Member monitoring the ride asked, “Party of one, Princess?”
Immediately, that hollow ache in my gut intensified. I’m not sure I’ve ever felt so alone in my entire life. The quip was funny, and I smiled and said, “Yep!” as I hopped on the ride. But I’m pretty sure I shed a tear as soon as the ride entered a dark tunnel. I felt so, so alone.
Lately, the topic of loneliness has come up in many of my conversations with people of various ages. Women and men, millennials and Gen Zers, locally-born folks and transplants have all confessed their battles with loneliness. It breaks my heart to hear of their struggles, because I know how it feels.
It’s hard. And sometimes there’s nothing we can do about it. We take risks and reach out to others, but we still have no one to go to that concert with. We invite a friend to coffee, but they’re too busy. We try to befriend like-minded people, but sometimes they just plain don’t like us back.
Sometimes we just end up alone.
Or at least it feels that way.
Over the past few years, I’ve tried to be intentional about processing some of my painful memories with God. I’ll picture the difficult moment in my life and ask him, “God, where were you in that moment?”
When I was crying on the floor in a pile of Kleenex because I’d been rejected, I saw God with his arm wrapped around me, shielding me. Probably protecting me from even worse harm. He was weeping with me.
When I was at a wedding alone, he was my plus one, sitting in the empty seat next to me, effectively preventing any imposters from claiming the spot. It was saved for someone special.
And when I was alone at Disney World, I saw him getting on the ride with me. Not only was he not bothered by the fact that I was by myself; he was downright jovial. “Watch this!” He winked at me as the ride attendant delivered his timely, “Party of one, Princess?” line. God laughed and kept laughing as we boarded the ride and went for a spin…together. The memory that had been sad for me actually turned into something kind of funny from God’s perspective. He was getting a kick out of the whole thing!
Loneliness sucks. I am no stranger to it. I don’t have all the answers for it. The answers people have given me usually haven’t worked for me. I find myself feeling less lonely the older I get – mainly, I think, because I’ve grown accustomed to it and I’ve grown stronger, as we do when we face trials. But I still feel alone sometimes.
We all do. Yet we are never truly alone.
God has never let us out of his sight, and he never will.
He was with you in your darkest moment. He stayed when everyone else left. He stood by you when you felt like you were standing alone. He is your Comforter, Protector, and Shield.
Ask him where he was in your loneliest moments. Ask him where he was on your darkest days.
He was there.
He’s there with you now. And he always will be.
You are never alone.
Hey! I'm Brianna and I'm a millennial. I'm also a reader, writer, God-lover, introvert, and recovering perfectionist. ☺️ I want to inspire millennials to retain their morality, hope, and faith as they transition into adulthood and full-fledged "adult."
